I wake up in the middle of the night. It's quiet, I don't hear either child crying. In fact, Paul isn't snoring for once. So why did I wake up? I lay there a minute, take in a deep breath, and then it hits me square in the nose...a stench drifting from some unknown origin. What is that smell? I check both kids' rooms, sniffing around expecting to find vomit or something worse. Surprisingly, my nose detects nothing in either room.
Too tired to investigate downstairs, especially since I need to take advantage of the fact both kids are asleep, I decide to ignore the offending odor. To sleep I go, hoping I don't forget to follow up on the stench in the morning.
There is no chance of forgetting, the smell permeats the entire downstairs level. I go into the kitchen to get Ian his daily fix of milk a-la-sippy cup. The funk is so heavy in there I gag. Quickly I check the garbage, nothing. Next, the sink and garbage disposal, nothing. As I open the fridge and grab the milk, I nearly pass out from the funk that fills my nostrils. BINGO!
I open the vegetable and fruit compartments, nothing. I search each shelf, nothing. Where is that smell coming from? The freezer, no. Then I remember, I keep onions and potatoes on top of the fridge. I reach up and drag down the basket containing said produce. Something drips. Drips, can that be right? To my horror, I find that an onion has liquified. Never have I smelled anything so putrid. Seriously, I've changed many a diaper, cleaned vomit, and diarrhea, nothing comes close except the trash barrel that sits outside baking its contents of trash and diapers all week in the Arizona sun.
I "pour" the contents of the basket into the trash can as I breathe through the shirt I've pulled up over my nose. The basket is dripping wet from the onion. There's no way I'm touching malodorous onion goo, so of course the basket winds up in the trash too.
The plastic bag is quickly knotted and taken out to the trash barrel. Cans of air freshener are sprayed, all the ceiling fans get turned on and I get busy cleaning up the liquid from the top of the fridge and the floor. It takes a while, but eventually we are able to breathe again.